The Force Called "Death"

 The reason why I’m writing this article (or whatever it might turn out to be) is because of this deadly and highly contagious disease called Swine Flu. Now, to be utterly frank, I did not know much about this disease until its recent widespread over the country. It’s not like that I’m an expert on the subject now, but I do know the pretty basic stuff; like the fact that this illness can lead to the demise of the victim in a matter of days. The fact that it is highly contagious makes it even worse. In the past few days, I got to know of some of its cases. The scenario goes like this: the patient suffers from cold and fever, gradually the fever intensifies, he is referred to a hospital and by the time he is tested positive for this disease, he is most likely to be dead. Scary. Right?

Now, this got me thinking, what if I caught this flu? Would I die in a couple of days? Is that it? But, what about my dreams and aspirations? Everything that I am, and everything that I wish to be, would be gone. Swiped clean. I’d be no more. Just like that. For the first time in my life, I felt the substantial meaning of death. And I realised how much I wanted to live.

I asked myself if I was ready to die yet. “No!!” screamed my inner self. There’s a lot of things that I wish to do in my lifetime (depending on how long it lasts). I picture myself getting published. I have this greed of seeing my name in print on a newspaper or a magazine or perhaps, on the front of a novel. I want the feeling of loving someone, the feeling of being loved, I want to laugh, laugh until I cry, I want to travel places, meet different people, I want to make love, I want to go beyond the ordinary, make myself matter and leave behind a legacy.

But, death doesn’t wait for you to finish up your bucket list. Death is spontaneous. So, does that mean planning ahead is a waste of time? I think not. On the contrary, it drives you to plan ahead, to think, to act before it’s too late. It pushes you to get off that couch and do something substantial. At the moment of life and death, this fear of dying and this greed to live, makes us do things, which we considered impossible before. It makes us do wonders.

 I understand that procrastination is important for us lackadaisical people, but every once in a while, we need to let go. We need to act, to take our imagination in our hands and to turn it into reality. Think of it in this way: The world deserves to witness your talent. You’ve held it inside of you for long now; time to let it soar.

Now, what does this have to do with the fear of death? Good question. Let me answer this with my own example. I aspire to be a writer. I see myself as a reputed and a loved author, twenty years from now. Fantasies like this one, occupy my mind pretty much all the time. But what do I do to turn this thought into reality? Frankly speaking, not much. But quite recently, this fear of death struck me. I felt vulnerable. I realised that pursuing a college degree is not what my life is all about. What am I doing about the things that I actually love? What if I die tomorrow? I would need some closure before I depart. Surely, my college degree isn’t going to provide any of that. And that made me realise, that writing is my only salvation.

I do love writing, but sometimes laziness overpowers you (Right?). But, I’m writing today. Maybe it is because of my fear of not having enough time left, that I’m writing this article. Maybe, I want to leave something behind. So now, I think that I don’t fear death, I fear, not having enough time to express myself. They both mean the same thing, but in two very different ways. They may be the two different branches of the same stem.

I had my moment of epiphany that led me into doing something beautiful, something that I love. Because, I realise now that my time here, is limited. I must act now.